Fighting with Myself  The Incredibles
by Violet Parr Minefield Dancer
Summary: Violet Parr has been struggling with a secret disorder that's literally eating her alive. Hear her thoughts on her most sensitive inner monster. Think for a second what it's really like for someone struggling with Anorexia Nervosa... Rated T to be safe.


Yes, this is indeed a fanfiction about Violet having anorexia. Though this is not the actually full-length fic (which is not completed), I thought it was worth sharing, because it is coming from Violet's eyes. This was a follow up to a picture I posted previously. I had such an enormous (for me) reaction to this on DeviantArt, I needed to post this one. I also drew another picture, which spawned this fic. And the reaction I've had to the first picture on DA gave me the drive to write a free verse poem I've been wanting to write for a while.

Now, on to Violet's take on her disorder (please note that her powers and super elements are not mentioned, because I felt it would've made it too unrelatable. This could be about a lot of people suffering with this disorder.)

**Fighting with Myself… and Losing**

_by Violet Parr (Violet Parr Minefield Dancer, Violet-the-Siberian, Tiffany Groff)_

I'm fine…

Everything's fine.

As far as everyone else is concerned,

I'm fine.

I am just a kid,

And I don't have any real problems.

My parents didn't just have another fight.

School life isn't hard.

I didn't just doze off in Social Studies,

Because I didn't have the strengths to hold my head up.

I'm pale because I don't get out much,

The sun rarely touches my face.

I skipped lunch,

Because I wasn't hungry.

I'm thin because I always have been,

Always will be…

As far…

As everyone else is concerned…

As far as I'm concerned,

It's an internal war

That I don't bother defending myself in anymore.

I'm never going to win…

My head isn't a place you want to live.

So much going on at once,

Yet I can't make sense of any of it.

Things contradict themselves up there.

I'm supposed to love myself,

Yet I'm also supposed to meet the standard of society.

I try to get good grades,

And when I do I'm labeled "Nerd."

"Take hold of your destiny!"

Then, "Let me tell you how to do this…"

"Make some friends!"

All of a sudden, "We're moving again."

"Get settled; be secure in your new home…"

I don't even get the chance to remember where the light switches are.

That I've almost gotten used to.

I'm teased about my weight,

Yet the next day they turn around and call me gangly.

I'm fat.

I'm too thin to stand.

I've worked so hard to be beautiful,

Yet I despise my own molding of my body.

It'll never be good enough.

I'm ugly.

I can't stand to look at myself in the mirror.

I feel fat.

But I'm so skinny, even I dislike it.

But I still need to lose weight, however possible…

I hate feeling empty.

I hate starving myself.

But I need to.

I just need to…

All I want is to be beautiful…

Is that so wrong?

I need control…

Something that is mine,

Even if it hurts me.

I choose to be skinny…

That's my quest in life.

And no one can take it away from me.

No one can control how much I eat and when.

Only I can say that.

I've nothing better that I'm meant for,

So why the heck not?

If my heart stops in my sleep,

Chances are, no one will care.

So I'll skip yet another meal…

When I do eat, it only hurts me.

Every calorie, every carb…

After not eating for so long,

You get used to being hungry.

If I eat, my tummy turns.

It hurts to nourish myself.

Food tastes so good when it first hits my tongue.

But not a second later,

I feel the guilt that makes me wanna spit it out.

Constant thoughts, at the mere suggestion

Of meat, or bread, or anything like that.

Thoughts of how I need to be beautiful.

I can't go a day without those thoughts.

Sometimes every minute,

I'm tortured by the echoes of

My own brain fighting me.

No one knows…

No one understands.

My own parents don't even understand!

The weighing, the counting, the sleepless nights…

How am I supposed

To live another day like this?

But, it is just my normal.

That is how I get by.

It'll be okay,

For just another day.

Just a miserable,

Lonely,

Agonizing,

Long,

Sickly,

Depressing day.

I am told there's a God who loves me.

But I've doubts He even exists.

How could He have made me

Just to suffer in agony like this?

Still, if You are there, God,

What must I do

To make you love me once again?

Will anyone, please, help me?

I'm crying out silently for help.

Can't you see it in my eyes?

Or do you even have the time to glance?

Anorexia is a tragic disease. But it goes much deeper than most people know. Most of the time, it actually goes back to not being allowed control in life. So the person grasps onto the only thing they feel they can control: their weight. People who suffer from anorexia feel overweight, even if they are severely underweight. I've seen that they are usually aware of their disorder, unlike a drug addicted person. And they might not even like being skinny. Loosing weight and starving themselves is just a compulsion. And just because someone has anorexia, doesn't mean they hate food. It just means they are afraid of gaining weight. They're afraid of losing love. OCD like behaviors also often accompany anorexia, but they're usually food centered. And it's not something you're ever truly cured of. But it can get better. Like a drug addiction, it must be taken one day at a time. And, if an honest effort is made, it WILL get better.

People with anorexia are not freaks! They have a disease, just like diabetes, alcoholism, asthma, or cerebral palsy. They didn't ask for it.

For those suffering from it, please, don't give up. There are people out there who care. You do have a purpose, a reason to be here. There is something you were made for that only you can do. Don't be afraid to ask for help; it's not shameful, and you can't do it alone. Please, you are worth so much more than you know. YOU ARE LOVED BY SOMEONE! I love you. Don't let yourself go to wast; you are a gift! And (please don't let this turn you off if you don't believe in God), but God does love you, too.


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